I'm afraid of summer because of the boredom. Last summer, my first horribly tedious one, my brother, six years older than me, had an internship here in Rockford. I never could take advantage of his driving capabilities because he was only home in the evenings. This summer, he has an internship at a firm just outside of NYC. That means three more months of just a house holding only my parents and me.
Parents: the other reason I'm afraid of summer. Summer reminds me how much different I really am from most of the other people in my class. Of course, there are many instances where I treasure and value some of those differences. However, I find it rather hard to cope sometimes with my parents' draconian rules and irrationally backed beliefs (mainly generalizations) about girls, dating, sex, and "American" culture in general. If I were in a particularly frustrated mood, I might say that my parents believe that if you hug a girl, she will eventually get pregnant and your life will be ruined. In actuality, they are intensely worried about a slippery slope sort of deal. My real problem lies in their approach to the situation, which is truly a serious one. It all boils down to East vs. West. The "Western" idea is that trust in a child with enough education will eventually result positively. The "Eastern" idea is to completely seclude the child from all "negative" things until the very last moment possible. In other words, instead of trusting that they have supplied me the tools to resist foolish temptation, my parents have decided to eliminate temptation altogether.
The biggest problem: I'm too afraid to stand up to my parents. I'm deathly afraid of the consequences; yet, I have no idea what they might be. When your mother informs you that you will totally betray her and, for all intensive purposes, kill her by marrying someone whose family doesn't speak the same major Indian language that yours does, you worry.
So why am I afraid of summer? I'm afraid of hearing and reading about all the normal things that my friends do outside of school. I'm afraid of the painful feeling of longing for normalcy. (Yet I don't want to be normal.) I'm afraid of facing the truths of my life and even more afraid of accepting them without a fight.
Summer? Please be gentle on me.
1 comment:
The strict Asian parents thing has become so much of a stereotype/joke (see the movie Bend it Like Beckham) that I think a lot of people forget that real people go through it, and that it's hard, and doesn't just wrap up in a happy romantic comedy with a pop-music soundtrack. So, I'm sorry if I'm guilty of that. I hope that your summer goes better than you think it will...
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